What to Do With Ashes from Someone You Weren't Close To
When someone you love passes away, you may find yourself tasked with a responsibility you never expected: being entrusted with their ashes. But what happens when those ashes come from someone you weren’t close to? What if you didn’t have a strong connection with the deceased, but still want to honor their memory?
It’s a complex and emotionally loaded situation, one that’s rarely talked about, yet many people find themselves in it. The struggle is real—how do you navigate holding onto the ashes of someone you barely knew, and what’s the “right” way to handle it?
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➡️ Talk to a Memorial Specialist Now: (515) 206-4845
Email: bonaventurememorial@gmail.com
One person shared their very honest experience, shedding light on this difficult reality:
"As someone who was asked to take some of my uncle’s ashes, I can say that I hated it. I didn’t want to have any of his ashes but I didn’t feel like I could say no to my cousin who was grieving. So, my input on an idea like this is it really only works if everyone that is included is very close and wants to participate. I hadn’t seen my uncle in 20 years and we were never close. It didn’t make sense for me to have or scatter any of his ashes."
This feeling of being “stuck” with ashes from someone you weren’t close to is not uncommon. It’s a delicate balance between wanting to respect your loved one’s wishes and feeling disconnected from the person you’re asked to honor. So what can you do if you find yourself in this situation?
The Emotional Complexity of Handling Ashes from a Distant Relative
In cases like this, where there’s a family bond but no close personal connection, the decision to take on or scatter ashes can be emotionally challenging. You may feel conflicted—torn between family loyalty, a sense of obligation, and your own feelings of disconnection.
Here’s the dilemma:
You want to honor someone’s life, but it’s hard to do so when you weren’t part of their everyday story. Perhaps you didn’t share significant memories or intimate moments with them, or maybe the relationship was strained or distant. But even with these barriers, there’s a genuine desire to respect the memory of a relative, especially when they held importance to others in your family.
The challenge is figuring out how to honor someone who didn’t play a significant role in your life, without feeling burdened or overwhelmed by the responsibility of their ashes. You don’t want to say no to grieving relatives, but at the same time, you shouldn’t feel pressured to take on something that doesn’t feel right for you.
It’s Okay to Acknowledge the Distance
It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to not feel a deep emotional connection to the ashes of someone you barely knew. You may find it confusing, uncomfortable, or even unnecessary to carry out what feels like an impersonal ritual. Acknowledging that disconnection can help you process your feelings and make the decision that’s best for you—without guilt.
What Are Your Options If You Don’t Feel Close?
If you find yourself holding ashes for someone you weren’t close to, there are several thoughtful ways to handle the situation. You don’t have to make a decision immediately. Here are a few ideas for how to approach it:
Consider Having a Ceremony Without the Ashes
If you don’t feel comfortable with the ashes, consider holding a small memorial ceremony without them. You can still gather loved ones, share stories, and honor the person’s life. A ceremony that focuses on their memory, rather than their physical remains, can help you find closure in a way that feels meaningful to you.Let BONAVENTURE Help
If you don’t know what to do with the ashes, letting a trusted service like BONAVENTURE take over the process can be a solution. We specialize in unaccompanied ash scattering at beautiful natural locations, allowing you to honor the memory of your loved one without feeling burdened by the responsibility of planning or carrying out the scattering. You choose the location, and we take care of the rest.Speak with Other Family Members
If the ashes don’t resonate with you, it’s possible that another family member might feel a stronger connection. Consider reaching out to relatives who were closer to the deceased to see if they would like to take on the responsibility. It’s perfectly acceptable to hand over the ashes to someone who may feel more invested in honoring the person’s memory.Explore Creative Memorialization
If scattering the ashes feels too personal or too distant, consider alternatives like turning a small portion of the ashes into a commemorative piece of art, jewelry, or a plant that can grow in their honor. This can offer a more tangible way to hold onto the memory without feeling emotionally disconnected from the process.How BONAVENTURE Makes It Simple & Legal
Scattering ashes in a national park doesn’t have to involve phone calls, permit applications, and long hikes. BONAVENTURE handles every aspect of the process, so you can focus on remembrance and healing.
1. Choose a Destination That Reflects Their Spirit
Some of our curated scattering locations include:
Mount Rainier – Lush alpine meadows and snow-capped serenity
Yellowstone National Park – A place of fire, sky, and healing
The Bioluminescent Ocean – Ashes set to sea under glowing waves
The Monarch Butterfly Migration – A stunning tribute to transformation
Each destination is handpicked for its natural beauty, ecological safety, and accessibility for our team.
2. We Handle All Legal Permits & Logistics
Once a destination is selected, our team obtains the necessary scattering permissions and schedules a ceremony time that aligns with natural conditions, seasonal guidelines, and environmental regulations.
We work with park rangers, forest managers, and local stewards to ensure every ceremony meets both emotional and ecological standards.
3. Safe and Secure Ash Handling
You’ll receive a prepaid USPS Cremains Kit. This secure, trackable box ensures ashes are transported with dignity and compliance through USPS’s legal cremains mailing service.
BONAVENTURE is a trusted ash scattering company, and our process is built for both security and peace of mind.
🌿 See Available National Park Destinations →
➡️ Talk to a Memorial Specialist Now: (515) 206-4845Email: bonaventurememorial@gmail.com
What Happens During the Ceremony?
A Private, Sacred Tribute—Even If You’re Not Present
Because our services are unaccompanied, families do not need to travel. This is ideal for:
Elderly individuals or those with mobility limitations
Families who live far from the desired location
Loved ones who want ashes spread somewhere they couldn’t physically reach
Our team of trained memorial stewards performs a private, respectful ceremony on your behalf. You’ll receive the exact GPS coordinates of the scattering, and a handcrafted wooden memorial plaque made by an artisan on our team.
🌿 Each plaque is personalized with your loved one’s name and the ash scattering coordinates, and you can choose to have a small portion of the ashes lovingly encased within the wood.
Final Thoughts: Where Grief Meets Grace
When a loved one passes, the question of what to do with their ashes can feel overwhelming. But there is profound beauty in choosing to return them to nature—in a place where the wind, sky, and trees tell the story of a life well-lived.
At BONAVENTURE, we’re honored to guide families through this sacred process. Whether your loved one longed for mountain air or ocean tides, we help you scatter with intention, legality, and love.
Ready to Begin?
✅ We provide the planning.
✅ We manage the paperwork.
✅ We ensure your loved one’s ashes are honored with grace.
📣 Start Your Memorial Journey Today
➡️ See Available National Park Destinations →
➡️ Talk to a Memorial Specialist Now:Call: (515) 206-4845
Email: bonaventurememorial@gmail.com
Remember: You’re Not Alone in This
The emotions that come with inheriting ashes from someone you weren’t close to can be confusing, frustrating, or even guilt-inducing. But you don’t have to carry that burden alone. It’s okay to seek support, whether that’s through family discussions or professional services like those offered by BONAVENTURE. We’re here to help you navigate this delicate moment, whether you need guidance, support, or simply someone to manage the logistics of the scattering process.
You have options. Your feelings are valid. And above all, your decision is yours to make. Honor the memory of your loved one in a way that feels true to you.
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